Whimsical Bumbles from a Buzzing Bee

The End Is Nigh

2011-10-07T12:24:00.002-05:00

The end of deployment is approaching, and I find myself much more grateful for the end of this deployment, than I was for the end of the last deployment.

Not to say I wasn't glad for the end of that one....

Things are going to be fully ridiculous for our ship when we return home, but at least we'll be home. Besides, things have been difficult for the last 6 months anyway. At least this way, we'll be able to go home to our own beds... sometimes.

I'm going to be leaving the Navy a few months after we return, and I can't wait to take that sigh of relief. I know this was meant to be a challenge for me, but it's certainly turned into something much more than that. I son't think I would be able to take another two and a half years of the crap that I've been putting up with. Well, I know I won't, which is why I took the chance to get out when it presented itself. It's certainly not the most ideal situation, and may present problems in the future, but at least I can feel like I have a future now.

This is the Shit...

2011-04-26T04:45:00.003-05:00

This is the shit that gets to me.

The little crap.

The nonsense that shouldn't matter.

But it does.

To me.

And I don't like it one bit.

I'm so tired of caring about how well I do at something. I'm tired of trying to be the best I can be. I'm tired of trying to succeed at something I don't even want to do for the rest of my life. I'm tired of doing something I hate.

Funny thing is, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't do this.

I'm sure I'd be somewhere else in the world. Complaining about something else. Or someone else. And I'd be just as miserable.

There's only one thing that doesn't make me miserable in this alternate life I've chosen, and I can't even have that for the next seven months...

I say "alternate" because this isn't real life. It's a make believe story that the government uses to appease the people.

And population control.

I want nothing more than to write, or take photographs of everything I see. I can't though, because carrying around a camera would probably get me classified as crazy.

Now there's an idea....

Yeah, it would never work. I'd just break the camera on something by accident.

I wish I could tell you all that deployment is going well so far, but I don't think it's been long enough to feel like a deployment yet. Unfortunately, there's no escaping the fact that it is a deployment, despite the fact that it doesn't feel like one.

When we get to our first port, the photos I upload, if I upload anyway, will come from another person, because I will not be allowed to leave the boat.

I know, exciting right?

That's how my job makes you pay for your mistakes... by treating you like a child. Despite how well you recover and grow from those mistakes.

-I'moutmaybeI'llfeelbetterlaternow'snotagoodtime.

Facebook is everywhere, huh?

2011-04-26T04:45:00.001-05:00

Ok, so what's the deal with Facebook? How the heck are they able to reach me through Yelp? I just don't get it!

Off to the big blue in the next few days... Needless to say, I'm not freaking out about it, but I am... Secretly, inside.... I think part of the reason i'm not outwardly panicking about every single little thing that really needs to get done today, or else it won't get done at all because my car is going into storage tomorrow at 1500 at the latest.... Is because I'm afraid of accepting the fact that really am going to be stuck on this huge chunk of metal for the next seven months, and it's going to suck more than last time because I'm not going to be allowed to go many places because of my own poor decisions in the past.

*takes in a deep breath* *then sighs*

Yeah, I know, i know. That was nothing but one really long run-on sentence. However, I'm sure you can imagine how I would've actually said it. I type how I think sometimes. I can write well when I want to. My blog is probably not the place that you'll see that though. Especially if it's a rant like that whopper up there. *grin*

Well, guess I'll get back to attempting to finish preparing for the wondrous journey ahead. Toodle-ooo!

2011-04-02T08:20:00.001-05:00

Ugh! I do love my family ever so much, but they do drive me nuts.

I wouldn't have it any other way though.

Today is certainly going to be full of seeing lots of family and possibly, hopefully friends. Driving to the house yesterday was so full of memories. I love this town. Who knew I would ever say that?

Oh but they do drive me crazy! :)

Holy Cow, I'm retarded.....

2011-03-31T13:38:00.001-05:00

So, it's been a really long time since I've blogged. I have every intention of posting more often, but I always say that, don't I?

I found this great app for my iPad though, and I'm thinking it'll let me write posts without being connected to the Internet, so that'll help. That way, I can write while I'm underway on this upcoming deployment, then upload them during port visits. Unfortunately, our port visits are going to be few and far between, thanks to all the wonderful nonsense going on overseas. So those of you who do actually read when I post, will hopefully have a mass amount of posts to read all at one tie.

Anyway, that's the only update for now. Post again soon.

Walking the Streets of a Strange City

2010-05-10T01:35:00.001-05:00

So I walked to the Wal-Mart closest o my Dad/Stepmom's apartment in Reno, NV....

Needless to say, I called a cab for the ride home. It really wasn't because it was a long walk; it was mostly because it was a lonely walk. So on the ride home, I got to have a nice conversation with the cab driver.

I really am too lonely these days. Anything for a conversation...

2010-05-09T08:49:00.003-05:00

Well, my attempt at keeping up with my blog really failed while on deploment, but that was mostly, I think, because of the fact that internet is relatively slow out at sea.

I've seen so many things and been so many places in the past few months, that I do wish I had been able to write about them when they happened. Now, I have to make an attempt at remembering everything. *sigh*

Right now I'm in Reno, NV visiting my Dad, stepmom, and two youngest siblings, Rachel and Nate. I'm so happy that I'm getting to spend time with them after such a long journey. I've said this a million times, and I'll say it a million more: "being away from family is the hardest part of the military." Then again, after being so independent for so long, coming home makes you realize that you like your space. Haha!

I'll be heading back to Hawaii in about a week, and I have mixed feelings about it already. I'm really going to miss my family, and being surrounded by people I know, trust, and know that love me. On the other hand, I'm very excited to get started on a new chapter of my life.

Well, I'm hoping that the coming months will have many adventures for me to share.... As well as to write about. :)

First Port Visit

2009-12-15T08:54:00.002-06:00

Go figure that my first port visit while on deployment would be Bahrain... Lucky me...

All I have to say about Bahrain, is that it's just a big litter box... There's nothing exciting here at all...

To the sea at last...

2009-12-01T14:37:00.000-06:00

So Uh... in less than six hours, I'll be on my way to my ship. *shakes in her boots* This means, that more than likely, my absence, will be moreso than before. I'm not sure if I'll be able to update Blogger while I'm on the ship, but I'll update when I can. Wish me luck!

2009-11-30T23:13:00.002-06:00

Bahrain... what a great place to be....

I've been here for a few days now, and let me tell ya, there is NOTHING TO DO HERE!

Yeah... I spent the day yesterday, wandering around downtown with my two travelling companions. Talk about being uncomfortable. I saw very few women, and the few I did, were certainly not making themselves noticed. I got a lot of dirty looks from the men I passed; mostly I assume, because of the skirt I was wearing. I was told it was ok to wear knee-length skirts, but I promise you this, it won't happen again soon.

The weather here is nice at least though. It's not hot, and it gets fairly cool in the evening.

Anyhow, later days!

2009-11-24T12:57:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, being able to make friends easily is such a curse. I'm leaving to meet my ship tomorrow, and already I'm finding myself torn apart because I'm leaving people I've come to care about in the past week.

I'm certainly not looking forward to the two days worth of flying either... Ughhhhhh!

Ok, something positive.

The beauty in Hawaii is beyond comprehensible sometimes. I can't imagine a more beautiful place to wake up.

2009-11-23T10:23:00.002-06:00

So, I promised myself that once I got out to Hawaii, I'd start writing more. It's been a week, and I'm finally starting.

It's amazing how much I've watched myself, my life, and the people around me change over the past year and a half. My life went from being something that was going completely to waste, to something that has worth, value, and importance, even if to no one but myself. I've grown up, a lot, and still have even more growing to do. My personality has changed, but not too much, and I've discovered that being me is all I can do. It amazes me what small revelations in a life can do to a person.

The friends I've made, the ones that I've lost, have all been so vital in helping me to discover pieces of myself. Vital to the extent that I've learned to cherish the bits I love, and to change the ones I don't. Not to mention, have taught me how to open up to people.

It's certainly been a bumpy ride, and probably only going to get bumpier; but I look forward to the obstacles now, instead of fearing them so much.

Well, that's probably enough for now, but the day has just begun, and who knows where it will lead me next.

Relationship Fail

2009-08-08T09:19:00.002-05:00

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should beseverance pay, and
before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
   --Bob Ettinger

Why is it, that every time I start seeing someone new, that all the guys from my past start popping up again? What's with that? The worst part, is there's always one who is more persistent than the other, and I'm stuck in this horrible whirlwind of confusion and misunderstanding... Apologies roll off the tongues of all parties involved; apologies for past mistakes, apologies for abandonment, apologies that make absolutely no sense at all.

And why is it that it's impossible to not fall in love with your best friend?

Watchstander's whimsys

2009-07-24T20:59:00.003-05:00

You know, watchstanding in the Navy can be a very dull experience, or a very interesting one. Hours of endless nothing can take it's toll on a person's mind... It's always better if standing watch with another person, however.
For example, tonight definitely held some interesting conversation. Zombies.
I didn't know two people could keep up conversation about zombies for five hours, but it happened. It helps when you have props. I.e. a static ridden security camera in a remote place that can't be figured out by either viewer, a flickering florescent light on the second floor of the building in one of the darkest areas of the building, discovering wooden dowels on the desk that have no real purpose... except zombie bashing. All we needed was the zombies.

The things we do for amusement...

2009-07-11T19:06:00.000-05:00

So I haven't been posting for a while... I guess mostly because I've recently developed an addiction... to playing World of Warcraft...

This is horrible.

Anyhow, this is my post to let everyone know I'm sorry...

It's probably not going to get any better for a bit.

Newness

2009-06-05T18:38:00.001-05:00

(no subject)
Originally uploaded by Gadg3tGirl_marie

I finally got this started after a year of thinking about it...

2009-03-27T20:39:00.001-05:00

oh my goodness....

*unscrews skull top, and dumps contents*

Ok so where the heck did my....

2009-02-28T08:59:00.002-06:00

suitcase go!?! Waiting at the airport an hour after you've landed to get your luggage that was on another flight, sucks. Then having to wait another four hours for your ride sucks worse. But I've already made two new friends here; the guy in my school who was on the same flight as me, and the duty driver that picked us up from the airport. Everyone says it sucks around here, and I can see that being true since there's a lack of "stuff" to do. My friend I've seen since I got here told me all they do is drink... Ha! Not much different from before! Wow, go figure. I refuse to fall back into that though.

Man, the past 24 hours was slightly tiresome. Yet for some reason I only got five hours of sleep after being awake for the endurance of those adventurous 24 hours.

I've made it to my new duty station, and I can already tell that this "changing my lifestyle" thing is going to be a lot harder here. Especially with all the old people being here.

I cried over Josh a lot last night. Having a relationship in the Navy is going to be so rough. I'm already worried about a million things; like if he'll relapse back into alcohol, or find someone new, or all those millions of worries a girl has about her boyfriend who's about to live literally on the other side of the country. He even told me he "had" to get drunk last night to help him deal with me leaving. Already a bad sign.... I miss him so much it hurts.

I hate the Navy......

but only for this....

Wait... WHAT!?!?!?!

2009-02-24T20:27:00.004-06:00

Marriage! Seriously!

Hooray! And I get to be the Maid of Honor! I've never been asked by a friend to do that before!!! Much less be in a wedding! Yaaaaaaaaaaay!

The day to leave is getting closer and closer.... I'm anxious... Hope that doesn't cause problems.

You know you need to return to the South when:
-Snow becomes a regular occurrence
-You see geese 3/4ths of the year
-Smoking a cigarette requires relighting it every couple of minutes because the wind blows it out
-Going outside in 33degree weather in nothing but a hoodie, a thin pair of yoga pants, and open top tennis shoes doesn't cause you to shiver
-Your boogers freeze in your nose occasionally
-You can't swim outdoors in March
-Events like the "Polar Bear Plunge" exist

I'm sure I could go on.
goodness it's good to be going back to the South.

An old friend I thought I was never going to talk to again, sent me a text message today. (This is after very effectively blowing me off for the past year.) Funny thing about this, was that he texted me to tell me he wrote a paper about me for a lit class..... Needless to say, I was completely shocked and taken aback.

*shrugs*

Well, sleepy time is trying to creep up on me, and I'm thirsty... so I gotta go get some water...

Now accepting donations for a laptop that isn't ten years ancient.... *nods*
Goodnight and Au Reviore!

Oh! What a Tizzy my Life's Been!

2009-02-24T09:01:00.002-06:00

There are those days, where you realize that the things you love, don't get done unless you sit down and do them....

I've been slacking. It's funny to me how I have the desire and urge to write everything in my head down, (because there are just some things that have to be written) yet I never can remember to write them, or when I do, they're gone. I wish I could have a recording of my conversations and mental thoughts daily. The things I think of....

If they didn't make millions, they'd at least make people think, "Wow, I'm glad I don't have her mind. She thinks too much!"

Heeheehee, but I like my mind. If only I could replicate it and attach it to my computer... like a wireless brain port.

It's been a good while since I've written anything, which is sad to me.
I finished up my "alcohol treatment" and on Friday, I'll be moving to Virginia. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole thing. One, excitement; two, sadness; three, fear... and maybe a few more in there somewhere.

My interest in YouTube is slowly developing from a deep dislike, to a slight interest to the point that I actually made an account... I think the main reason I've never liked it much is just because I've always had shitty computers. Like the one I have right now that is ten years old and weighs a million pounds. (No really, it weighs a LOT.)

Packing is stressing me out too. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all disappear into thin air until I needed it again... that would save a lot of money on shipping... But since I don't, I guess it's a good thing I don't have too much shit.

Well, I'll end this post with a link and a hope.
Addictive game link
Hope that I'll post more.....

Hi. I'm Rebekah, and I'm an alcoholic.

2009-01-17T09:52:00.002-06:00

I've recently come to realize a lot of things about myself.... but I don't really know how to reflect on them at this moment. My mind's been blank lately. I think I've been brainwashed....

I really want to start an Indie Search Engine website, where you can go to find awesome shit to do; at any time of day or night. I think I'm gonna start building up resources for it. Do some research. I should travel the world enough over the next five years. I don't see why it wouldn't work. *shrugs*

I've also had the weirdest desire to be photographed nude.... hmmm. Not for adult uses, necessarily. I guess it's probably an underlying desire to be adored? *shrugs* This desire has consumed me so completely, that I'm almost about to the point of asking someone I don't know all that well to do a photo shoot. How strange am I?!?! He'll probably think I'm insane and never speak to me again. Oh well, no loss there.

The AA meeting last night really made me realize that I do need a little bit of support. I had every intention of going, then getting smashed afterward. (What else is a 21 year old to do on a Friday night?) And after the meeting.... I didn't really have the desire to anymore.... How helpful.

For those of you who don't know, I'm in a treatment program through the Navy called Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Program, and I'm there against my will. I self-admitted myself, but I didn't think they were actually diagnose me as a dependent. I'm still not convinced on that part, but I can see how my drinking habits could certainly lead to it.

Since going in, my mind has opened up to the program a lot. Though, now I'm paranoid, and wonder if I've admitted to alcoholism because that's what they want me to believe.... *sigh* I need to just stop thinking all the damn time!!!

Oh, and they told me I talk too much.... Ha! It's group therapy, isn't that what it's for?!?!

Man, I'm hungry.... Oh! * lightbulb* I has bagel and cream cheese! <3 ^_^ See you guys later! *runs off to find foodz*

Journalize My Life

2009-01-13T21:01:00.002-06:00

So, going through therapy has been Hades. Since I'm bullheaded, and refuse to admit what I don't believe... I'm struggling with believing that I have an addiction to alcohol. It doesn't help that my circle of friends (you know, the real friends, the ones who haven't left me to rot) agrees with me that I don't have a problem. Something my personal counselor said today though caught me off guard and smacked me in the face.
"Alcohol has caused a problem in your life."
Whether or not I'm an alcoholic is beside the point. It's been the catalyst to a problem in my life in the past. He even told me, when I mentioned that people were calling me an alcoholic, to tell him who and he would go to them at that very instance and tell them that I wasn't. That was rather encouraging.
I have to admit that I had quite an emotional explosion when I got back to my room at my barracks when the day was over. Not the kind that is exuberant, hurtful, or expletive; but the kind that had me curled into a ball beneath my blankets with my pillow shoved in my face, sobbing hysterically. I wept for nearly 45 minutes, then again, after calming down, when my closest roommate came up behind me, put her arms around me and said that she wasn't going to ask what was wrong, she just knew I needed the hug. And the floodgates broke... She let me vent, and comfortingly enough, she vented back about some things that have gone on in her life due to alcoholism... I didn't even know that similarity was there between us. It was nice to have someone who understood what I was going through, somewhat.

Other than that bit of stress, life's been fairly simple. I've had a lot of time indoors because it's so damned cold!!!! When I checked the weather on my phone a bit ago, it was -6F.......Bahhhhh! I do not like the ice everywhere....

Well, my headache is killing me, and I've still got therapy homework to do, so I better get on it. Adios.

Tears for the new year.

2009-01-11T10:35:00.002-06:00

"When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life."

Expectations

I want someone to love unconditionally....
Why can't I have that dream guy?
Why is he always just out of reach?

My apologies for the lack of postage; I've started my psychobabble bullshit everyday, so I don't have much time for computerizing anymore. That, and people made of extreme emotional issues that I try much too hard to please.

It's official, I'm a people pleaser who worries about what other people think of me too much.

WHO GIVES A DAMN WHAT I DO WITH MY LIFE AND TIME!?!?!?!

oh yeah, I belong to the government now... not myself....

what have I done? My creative insides are suffocating....

Back to the World I Generally... Accidentally Call "Home"

2009-01-06T05:03:00.000-06:00

Well, here we go again. Back to the monotony that is the Navy. I hate this place sometimes.... Key word - sometimes.

I start my treatment for my non-existent alcoholism today. This should be interesting....

I feel dizzy! Oh so dizzy! I feel dizzy and queasy and...oh....

2008-12-29T12:42:00.001-06:00

I am not feeling well at all. My head hurts, my tummy is unsettled, and I could sleep forever. Not to mention, my mom's perfume is not helping at all. I think I'm allergic to it. *whimper*

*can't even finish her blog update....*

2008-12-26T20:34:00.000-06:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I've got a love-ely bunch of co-co-nuts, dee-da-lee-dee-dee

2008-12-22T07:40:00.000-06:00

Meh.

What's with people? Why is friendship so devalued? I leave this God forsaken town nine months ago, having friends I thought would stick by my side and still care about me, only to find that my homecoming means nothing.
Ah, the beauty of the sacrifices we militants go through...

I've already had one Christmas gathering. I got useful things, of course... well, somewhat... mostly... A french press with matching mugs, a coffee grinder, an electric kettle, and ipod charger; everything else is fun stuff. Like the vintage Tony the Tiger bowls and plates, the kick ass new hat I got, awesome pjs, a neat word find board game. There are still more gatherings to come... oy vey. How am I supposed to get all this back to base? Meh...

The most beautiful thing about being home though, is waking up to my six year old sister in my bed sprawled out across my sister and I. Or waking up to my four year old brother sitting on top of me, telling me to "Wake up, Bekah!". <3

Speak of the devil... I hear him bouncing around downstairs at this very moment... shouldn't be long before he heads up here.

I've spent a lot of my time here with family so far, and it's been an absolute blessing. And I get to see Athena later this week! Woohoo!

Oh Today is Such a Blustery Day...

2008-12-14T11:43:00.000-06:00

It's super-dee-duperly windy outside today!

My mind is severely abuzz with so many thoughts. I am so anxious to get home and see every one I love. I talked to a portion of Mum, Sarah, Rachel, Nate, and Mimi yesterday and that eased the anxiety a little bit, but also made the anticipation almost even more-so unbearable. Nate and Rachel certainly seemed to be excited that I'm coming home, especially since Rachel was sitting in the floor of the AT&T store singing a song she made up about me coming home. Hearing that over the phone just absolutely cracked me up. Hahaha!!!

I'm in somewhat of a funk today. Not entirely sure why, but it may have something to do with my mind being so severely full of thought. Too much to think about I guess. I'll probably elaborate later today, just had to get a portion of it out for now. Not the right time for now.

Any how, a

Weeee!!!

2008-12-12T06:21:00.001-06:00

One more week! ONE MORE WEEK!!!! Eeeeek! I'm so super excited!!!

Marriage... he said marriage... so very glad I'm going to talk to Kathy today. Also, note to self, call Mum... her ever increasing wisdom is much needed. Tried to give her a buzz yesterday but went straight to v-mail. Mehz. I've got butterflies...

We had our first fight and it ended with marriage...

Odd? *shrugs* probably....

I can't wait to see him today though. <3

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."-Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NKJV)

The Things I Find Online...

2008-12-11T07:03:00.000-06:00

"I wish the world was run by phone sex operators."
link to site

"I find that most of my regular callers form some sort of bond with me—almost an addiction.
I am the one they come to for punishment if they feel the urge.
The one they come to for discipline, instruction, and permission.
I am their drug."
link to site

"I think if all women did phone sex before they lost their virginity, they would make much better choices."
link to site

Catoptrophobia Fear of mirrors. <--Mine.... >_>....<_<....>_>....

Thinking, thinking, thinking oh so too very much...

2008-12-11T05:18:00.000-06:00

What if...?

What if this is why? What if it's not though? I have a horrid habit of jumping into things head first... but this head first jumping seems so very right. It fits. There are so many things that scare me about this. Like motherhood... I could do it though. That's a given. That's actually the least of my worries. Maybe even one of the perks...

What if...?

I asked him... he agreed "forever ever"...
"Forever ever"....
I do really want this. And I could do forever... for a change...

But is it the right thing to do? The opportunity is there... but would it be quitting? Would it be giving up? I don't know if I want to risk that yet... I like the Navy...
We'll see.

God, direct my life. Be my conductor. Be my chauffeur. Be my architect. Be my guidance.

I am Rebekah, Queen of Coffee! Hear me roar! RAWR!

2008-12-10T05:18:00.000-06:00

Someone in our barracks had the gall to jack ten dollars from the donation tin for the coffee mess I run weekday mornings. It's bad enough that I have to spend three hours in here every morning, five days a week, and still not get enough donations. I still have to put in my own money for this nonsense. I wouldn't do it if I didn't love it though.
So the Queen of Coffee has made a new decree! Fifty cents per cup of coffee, if you have your own cup. Seventy-five cents for hot chocolate or apple cider. If you don't have your own cup, well, as for right now, you're out of luck. Cause someone stole the cup funds!!!! So, once I do get cups, it'll be a dollar.... Grawr!

I am not a happy little girl. Oh well, tough luck for them.

*nods*

iTunes is gay.

I am so hungry this morning! Meh. I can't wait for Friday. I get to spend real time with my honey. <3

Good Morning, Universe!

2008-12-09T04:47:00.000-06:00

Wow, I feel amazing today! Just thought you all might like to know. ^.^

So the sweet, beautiful snow is disintegrating into the ground, but is very pleasantly being replaced by ice. Flat out... ice. I don't like ice. Way too slippery! Meh. Either way, the melting is a sad occasion. No one likes to see snow go... ok wait, that's probably not true. This girl doesn't like to see the snow go. *nods* Much better.

The freaking Gatorade machine ate my dollar. I mean, I know they probably get hungry sometimes, but that was my dollar. I was gonna get quarters for it. Lame. Lamer than lame. Super lame. Meh. Now how am I supposed to get breakfast?!?!

*puts a ten dollar bill in the coffee mess donation tin, and "confiscates" a dollar in change*
There....
*eats her chocolate muffin*
Like a chocolate muffin is the healthiest possible thing I could've picked.... not.
*doesn't care*

So if you didn't notice, I'm in a very active type mood this morning. I have to got to freaking f&fs later today, and I think the hyperactivity is me acting out. I really am sick of this nonsense. Severely sick of it all. It's annoying and a severe waste of my time. Nap time to be specific. Meh.

Daniel is the most wonderful thing that's happened to me in a long time, by the way. He's amazing. Just thought you guys should know.

Well, since there's obviously not a whole lot going on in my head today, I guess I'll quit wasting precious time. Cause you guys obviously have so much to do...

What Dreams May Come...

2008-12-06T05:45:00.000-06:00

Holy crapola! I've been having some of the strangest dreams lately!

Dream 1: The Sullivans
A dream about a family that is rejected by all of their neighbors, schoolmates, and coworkers because of the strange aura around them. Three children, two boys oldest and a little sister. At the beginning, some of the towns "normal" children are introducing a new kid in town (me) to the local forest and warning me to steer clear of the Sullivan children. We stumble upon them playing with a group of older bear cubs, and one of the bears hears us, and starts to come towards us on the attack. The Sullivan girl steps in front of it, tells it to leave us alone, that we aren't there to cause any harm, and it goes back to the rest of their group. The girl turns to us, and looks me straight in the eyes and tells us we shouldn't be there and to go back home now.
Suddenly the scene switches, and I'm waking up from a deep sleep in a bed I know is in the Sullivan house. Terrified as to how I got there and why I'm there, I start to sink into the bed around me, past the tangible, and below to a parallel world of extraordinary creatures and beings. Turns out that the Sullivans illegally participate in a sort of "black market" with forbidden contact with fairytale creatures....

Dream 2: Owl Girl
This one's much shorter and extremely more close to home, so to speak. Dreamt that someone was walking towards the foot of my bed from my roommates' side of the room, and once she got there, she simply stood and stared at me. The strange bit was that she was something of an anthropomorphic owl-girl and it scared the tar out of me because it was so real. I suddenly woke up to the surprise of no one being at the end of my bed. It was very realistic.

Dream 3: Pot Friend
Stranger still, I dreamt that I was being held against my will with an old hippie who was severely depressed. There was quite a bit more behind the story, but I really can't remember all that. All I remember now is smoking a joint with him in a beat up old bathroom, making him laugh, then sitting around watching tv and thinking about how high I was and whether or not they were going to drug test me on base. Sad...

Dream 4 I would just rather not talk about. But it involved my closest friend here, and my ex and myself and was severely depressing for me.

back to sleep....

Journalize Your Life: You Never Know Who It Could Help

2008-12-04T06:09:00.000-06:00

Yay! I get to stop taking my stupid medications! Miss Lady said that she thought it was a good idea as well. I'm sorry, but I've lived my entire life dealing with my depression without medication, so why should I start now? (Well... When I started taking it I mean.) All it has done is cause problems, essentially. But I do have to journal more, and I told her about this and my other blogs. And I have to exercise... of some sort... three times a week. Snot buckets....

"Guide dogs is discrimination against helpful cats!"

<3

Piece of advice: If you know that someone doesn't like you one bit, and need to know where his or her roommate is, don't knock on the door and ask... then be upset that your question was answered and the door is shut in your face. What more can you expect? I mean I didn't even have to answer her question. I could've just slammed the door in her face as soon as I saw her hideous face. Then she has the nerve to call me names... Meh. Not once have I cursed at that little girl... and she continuously cannot find better words than curse words that really have no effect on me. News flash! Wanna insult me, use real words... you know, the kind that were originally meant as insults.

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."

I love brilliance. It shines. :)

Humanity & Its Wiley Ways

2008-12-03T05:13:00.000-06:00

I am super sleepy this morning! Bleh! I guess drinking some coffee might help, but... I dunno... making it every morning makes me not want my own for some reason. I like my coffee, I think it's just the idea that I have to add to my work by having to wash my own cup... along with the other cups I loan out and the pots.

Or maybe the smell of coffee every morning keeps me away from the stuff. *sad face* but I like coffee.... *drinks apple cider instead*

The snow is beginning to dissipate again, but it's supposed to snow 2-4 inches this afternoon and possibly another 3-5 tonight. So maybe there will be enough for a bigger snowman than the 1 foot high one that I made yesterday. We shall see.

I can't wait for this weekend. Good things are going to happen. =3

Exciting trip to Chicago today... after emptying my brain with Ms. Lucas. That'll be exciting. Though, you know, I guess it helps... *shrugs, then sits staring at you silently for a bit*
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.
.
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......*then suddenly screams* I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!
Really..... I just know how my mind works and other people don't....

Why do they need to? I can solve my own issues... good grief...
Life is a trial and error process. People have got to be allowed to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. I mean, if someone deliberately goes out of their way to be malicious, that's one thing; but accidentally messing up, come on...

Ugh, humanity is so annoying. And people who make assumptions are retards.

How Chicken Little felt...

2008-12-01T05:09:00.000-06:00

Holy cannelloni! The ground's turned white!!! There's this mushy, cold stuff all over the ground! What is this?! WHAT IS THIS?!?!? AHHHH!

oh....>_>....<_<....>_>.... so that's what snow looks like.

It's EVERYWHERE! I can't believe the awesomeness of it all.

Well, back to the old grinding stone. Had a really good Thanksgiving with Alex, especially since it felt so much like being home. He has a lot of friends like mine, and the countryside and weather in Southern Illinois is much like the weather in East Texas.

Went to an amazing winery, even though they didn't have a merlot... And his friends gave me funny faces and comments because I prefer dry wine to sweet wine. *shrugs* Eh, "it's an acquired taste" right? I acquired the taste for dry wine. *nods* I don't hate sweet wine... I just don't prefer it. Here's the linkage to their website. Check them out if you gets a chance. *nods*

Before going there though, we stopped in another part of Makanda, Illinois with hippie shops! <3 It's probably a very good thing that I didn't have my wallet, otherwise I very possibly might have spent my entire paycheck there. *nods*

Anyhoo, I'm about done with the coffee thing, so I'm out like a light bulb, but I may very possibly be back! You know me, gadget girl to the max.

WooHoo!

2008-11-27T18:44:00.000-06:00

Ok, so the licorice jelly belly finally made it here, and my computer still loves me!! Hooray!

I am a very happy Bekah.

Well, that's really all I had to say for right now. Wanted to let you guys know that I temporarily have computer permanency... heehee. I like being oxymoronic. It makes me smilez.

Well, you see, what happened was....

2008-11-27T13:51:00.000-06:00

my computer hates me!!!

For some strange, unknown, odd, annoying reason, my computer has been on the fritz and randomly decides it does not like to wake up in the mornings. I suppose I can understand. I like to sleep in too, but this is my computer we're talking about. The life juice of my existence... aka my blood... aka my air... aka... what makes me sane enough to go out into civilization! Needless to say, there has been much throat ripping and rampaging going on in my public world when I go out into reality. I don't like people. They're stupid....

But, fortunately for me, my computer has decided to be nice enough to me to work for a small period of time. Unfortunately, I'm not in a permanent position to leave it plugged in, and on, to know that it wouldn't stop working... because I'm in a car... that looks like a licorice jelly belly... in southern Illinois... listening unwillingly to Mos Def. Not that I have anything against the man... I just have a headache. Pickles, my head hurts.

I had some strange dreams last night. I think it may have been due to the combination of unfamiliar territory, creepy haunted places, an over-abundance of ladybugs(to whom I place most of the blame on), and too much reading of Edgar Allen Poe.
I had dreams of people being with me when I was alone, and literally thinking they were there, then waking up, rolling over, and seeing no one (that's slightly creepy). Then there was the nightmare. The kind that you wake up from, and fall back asleep to. It was a mixture of Japanese ancient demons, victorian houses and clothing, evil things lurking in very deep dark water, and having strange tentacle creatures kill people around you by threading their endless tentacles through those peoples' bodies. That was the most disturbing bit. I could hear every sound.... I didn't like it much. I also didn't like falling back asleep to it...

Anyhow, on to other things... HAPPY TURKEY DAY! I hope you have loads of family to eat and lots of turkey to spend time with...

wait... yeah. >_< Heehee!

And hopefully my computer has ceased to hate me too much.

Ps. St. Louis is yucky. Specifically St. Charles. Because a yucky child with an evil heart and funny shaped head who claims to be 23 is from there. I don't like him much. He broke my heart again. Gross.

Lemons

2008-11-22T12:43:00.000-06:00

Recently, I have found myself to be immensely bored at all times, and needing new things to keep myself occupied. So, thus the creation of this blog came about. I certainly have a million other blogs, and journals or places that I consistently forget to update, and I'm sure this one might just fall into that black hole of useless journals. But I'll have hope that maybe, possibly, this new blog will help begin a new horizon of me.

I've recently found myself to have unwillingly become the centerpiece of a high school type drama. One that has caused me great distress, sadness, depression, and certainly drove me nearly over the edge of insanity. I lost my "single-serving friends" because a certain young child decided that I was better than she, and apparently couldn't handle the competition for popularity. I'm sorry, but I don't play that game... I just make friends. Oddly enough, I did find out who I could trust, who my true friends were, and just exactly how immature my ex-boyfriend is. A 23 year old who can't face his problems and has to have a 19 year old confront his problems for him, needs serious mental help.

Unfortunately for me, their antics have caused much misery for me, and I am the one being forced into getting treatment for a problem I don't have. A problem, even, that a large majority of the people I know do have. Including my ex, and his attitude-filled little brat of a girlfriend... if she really is female...

Needless to say, it bothered me quite a bit for a month or so. That is, until a recent event occurred and opened my eyes to the pathetic way I've lived my life surrounding the incident. I'm much more intelligent than that. So I realized that this was all just a way for me to learn how to let go of the past, kick people in the face with their own words, and loosen up to reality. Reality is... That's all. Reality is reality. Can't go through life without knowing that, otherwise you just float around in a crazy daze thinking that the world is peaceful and happy all the time. When life throws you lemons, make lemonade, and share. Some people think they don't have lemons. Trust me, everyone has lemons at some point in their life. Just some people are so numb to real life, that they don't feel them hit.
I guess that could be a nice way to live life... but how on earth is a person ever going to grow, or learn, or build character if they never suffer? They won't...

Therefore, I am a much happier person than I was about a week ago. As a matter of fact, I was pretty miserable come to think of it. What a serious waste of my time. Ugh.

Welp, so long for now. Think I'm going to head to the library and do a book trade. We'll see if I actually want to get back out into the cold... meh. I wish it would snow and get it over with!